Break My Heart
by Ksue
Summary: Set between season 4 & 5 of Buffy. Riley asks Buffy to marry him, and now there's just one person left to tell. And, because it's our favorite star crossed lovers, things don't go as planned. BA, slight BR. PLease R & R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I suddenly got the urge to write this story for some reason. PLease R & R so I know whether or not to continue with it. Thanks!! Enjoy!**

"Marry me?"

"What?" Buffy asked, completely taken by surprise. They were sitting in Giles' living room, researching the latest feature creature. Buffy looked around, worried that her friends had heard.

"I asked if you would marry me," Riley whispered. Buffy's eyes went wide, like a child's. She didn't know what to say.

"Riley, I really don't think this is the time to be joking around," Buffy reminded him. She looked around again. Xander and Anya were quietly arguing in one corner of the room, while Willow and Tara were researching on the computer. Buffy noticed Willow reach down and twirl a strand of Tara's hair and smiled. She was happy for her friend.

"Buffy, look at me," Riley said. Buffy looked at him, but avoided his eyes.

"Riley…"

"I'm not joking Buffy. I want you to marry me. I want you to be my wife," Riley assured her. His voice started to rise, and Buffy panicked. She didn't want her friends to overhear. Giles was coming back from the kitchen with a pot of tea and some cups. He walked right by them. Surely he would hear.

"Riley, we'll talk about this later," Buffy promised. Riley grabbed her hand, forcing her to drop the pen she'd been using to write in a notebook.

"No. I want an answer Buffy. Yes or no?" Riley asked.

"Yes." The answer surprised Riley, but it surprised her most of all. She'd just wanted him to stop talking about it, but she hadn't planned on saying yes. Maybe she really did want to marry him.

"I love you," Riley whispered. He leaned in and captured her lips in a slow, sweet kiss. When he pulled away, Buffy smiled broadly.

"Buffy?" Giles asked from the kitchen. Buffy started and looked at her father figure.

"Yeah Giles?" Buffy didn't like the look in Giles' eyes. Behind the kind, gentle man she'd come to love more than her own father, was the Ripper. She could see the fire burning in his eyes.

"Can I see you in here for a moment?" Buffy nodded and stood up, brushing imaginary dirt from her pants. She glanced at Riley, who smiled.

"What's up Giles?" Buffy asked as she came into the kitchen. Giles cleaned his glasses and sighed deeply.

"Buffy, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Riley just now," Giles admitted. His gaze softened as he smiled at Buffy.

"You heard that?"

"Yes. Buffy, I know that Angel and Parker both hurt you deeply, especially Angel, and I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing," Giles explained. Buffy frowned.

"I know it seems like Riley's just rebound, but Giles, after everything that's happened in my life the past few years I realized that I just can't take anything for granted. I mean, Riley and I are happy now, so why not make him happy by being his wife? Chances are I'll die before I have the chance to be unhappy anyway," Buffy rationalized. She twisted her fingers together. Her logic worked, didn't it?

"Buffy…" In that moment, Giles' heart broke for his slayer. He didn't know how to help her see that Riley wasn't the one for her. Giles had never been terribly fond of Angel, but even he had to admit that he was Buffy's soul mate.

"Giles, please. Riley's a nice, normal boy…besides the whole commando thing, and he loves me. And I love him," I think…she added silently. Done with the conversation, Buffy marched into the living room and smiled at Riley.

"Guys, Riley and I have an announcement to make," Buffy said loudly. Everyone looked up at her, startled. Riley came to stand next to her and squeezed her hand.

"We're getting married," Riley said happily.

"Wait a second, I don't think so…" Xander started, looking like he had the first time Buffy had really chosen Angel over him.

"Xander stop. Riley and I are engaged, and you guys are going to have to accept that," Buffy explained. Anya smacked Xander on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" he cried. Anya put her hands on her hips and glared.

"Why can't you be more romantic like that?" Anya demanded. Buffy stifled a laugh. Willow came up to her while Xander and Anya continued to bicker and hugged her.

"Are you sure about this Buffy?" she whispered. Suddenly, Buffy felt as though Willow could see right through her. Could read her mind.

"Yes Willow, I'm sure," Buffy promised.

"Then I'm happy for you, but we need to have coffee tomorrow." Willow promised. She squeezed Buffy once, and then stepped away. She looked at Riley and glared. "I swear by the goddess that if you hurt her, I will kill you," Willow promised.

"I swear, I won't hurt her," Riley promised, looking slightly afraid.

"Good. Now I have to go. Buffy, I'll see you in the morning, and we'll get coffee before class," Willow promised.

"Sounds good Will. You know, Giles, I think Riley and I should go too. See you guys tomorrow." Before anyone had a chance to object, Buffy and Riley were out the door.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" Riley asked as they walked down the street.

"Uh, duh," Buffy laughed. Riley smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist.

The moment they entered Riley room, he kissed her. They stumbled their way to the bed. They hadn't been together that many times, and Buffy's skin tingled in anticipation. But it was over almost before it began.

Riley rolled away and fell quickly into a deep sleep. Buffy sighed and turned on her side, staring out the window at the night sky. Riley was a wonderful man, and she really did love him, but he lacked in the love making department. He was nothing like…no. She wasn't going to let herself think that.

Finally, Buffy drifted off to sleep, dreaming of weddings.

The next morning, Buffy met Willow at the Espresso Pump. They picked a high top table and settled down. For a while, they were silent, but Willow couldn't hide her thoughts forever.

"Buffy, you should tell Angel," Willow blurted. Buffy looked up sharply, but her eyes weren't angry.

"I know, but I don't want to. I mean, he left me, why does he get to know everything that happens in my life?" Buffy was getting angry. Angel didn't deserve to know about her happiness. He deserved to be miserable.

"Buffy," Willow said softly. Buffy sighed.

"I know, I'm being ridiculous. But can't I just send him a wedding announcement?" Buffy pleaded. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing Angel again. The last time, he and Riley had come to blows. Angel had made it clear he didn't like Riley, how would he feel when he fond out that Buffy was going to marry him?

"No. Buffy, you need to tell him face to face." Buffy knew she was right. Slowly she looked her friend in the eye.

"I'll have to lie to Riley."

"I know."

"I guess tomorrow I'm going to L.A."

The next morning, Buffy got into Giles' car. He had agreed to drive Buffy to L.A, saying that he needed to speak with Wesley anyway, and he'd rather do it in person. So he says. Buffy had told Riley that she was going to see her father. He'd wanted to come with, but Buffy said no, that her father would take the news better if Riley weren't there. Riley had eaten it up.

"Let me see your ring," Giles asked, peering over at Buffy. The pervious night, Riley had bought Buffy a ring. It was a simple , two carat solitaire on a platinum band.

"Riley got it at Meg's," Buffy said, referring to the only non-chain jewelry store in town.

"It's nice."

The rest of the ride was silent. Buffy was nervous about seeing Angel. They'd fought the last time, and her ego still stung.

"You know, I'm proud of you Buffy," Giles said with fatherly pride. Buffy smiled.

"I'm surprised. After all those times I let you down," Buffy smirked.

"No, Buffy, you never let me down. You know," Giles said with a chuckle," I'll never forget…" Buffy didn't hear the rest of what Giles said. She slammed her head back against the head rest as images and words filled her mind. She couldn't the real world, only what she somehow knew were memories.

"_Oh boy, I was really jonesing for another heart-breaking sewer talk…"_

"_God I love food…"_

"_Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect…"_

"_A minute! No, it's not enough time!" _

"_Shh, please. Please…"_

"_I'll never forget, I'll never forget, I'll never forget…"_

"Buffy!" Giles cried. Buffy was holding her head, rocking back and forth in the seat, whimpering. Tears were streaming down her face. Giles reached over and touched her shoulder gently.

"I'll never forget, never," Buffy cried.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Giles asked. He eased the car over to the side of the road, and killed the engine, looking at her with concern. After a long minute of silence, Buffy wiped her eyes and sat up.

"Keep driving." Rage was written onto Buffy's face, and it scared Giles.

"Alright, but Buffy, what happened?" Giles pressed.

"There's more than one thing I need to speak with Angel about," Buffy told him what she'd seen, leaving out the steamier parts. Giles' eyes went wide with shock.

"Are you sure this wasn't a hallucination?" Giles asked with dismay.

"I'm sure Giles. Please, just drive."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter!!! Hope you like this one as well. Let me know!! R & R ******

They pulled up to Cordelia's apartment complex, a place that Buffy had never seen. Wesley had told Giles that's where the gang was holding their meetings. She'd said something about the old office being blown up. Giles moved to get out, but Buffy stayed where she was. Suddenly, she wasn't so sure she could do this. How could she do what she came here to do with those memories running through her head?

"Buffy, its okay," Giles whispered reassuringly. Buffy looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I know, I just have to gather my thoughts for a second." Buffy took a few deep, cleaning breaths and closed her eyes. She rubbed the engagement ring on her finger. Then she opened her eyes and got out of the car. Giles quickly followed his slayer. Wesley had told Giles to come straight up, that the door would be unlocked. Buffy marched up the stairs, but waited for Giles. She wanted him to go in first, make her entrance more dramatic. No one knew she was coming with Giles.

Giles knocked softly as he opened the door. Cordelia, Wesley, and Angel all looked up at him.

"Giles! Hey Giles," Cordelia said happily. She'd been kneeling in front of her coffee table, helping Angel sketch a demon she'd seen. She pushed herself up and began to move towards him, when he stepped aside to reveal Buffy.

"Buffy," Angel said, staring at her in surprise. Buffy coolly crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.

"Angel."

"Giles, is there something wrong?" Wesley asked, frowning as he looked back and forth between Buffy and Angel, who were still just staring at each other.

"No, nothing at all. Now, why don't we find someplace to talk about this demon gang you're researching?" Giles suggested. Wesley looked back to the couple, and then shrugged slowly.

"Alright, yes. There's a restaurant down the street we can go to," Wesley said. "Cordelia?"

"Huh?" Cordelia asked, her voice high. Wesley looked hard at her, raising his eyebrows.

"Shall we?" Wesley held open the door and waved a hand out it. Cordelia frowned and looked at Buffy and Angel, who were still just staring at each other.

" But…"

"Cordelia," Wesley said again, a little more warning in his voice this time. Cordelia's shoulders slumped, but she followed them out the door.

Once Buffy heard the door slam, she exploded. Her hands flew into the air, and she glared at Angel.

"What the hell did you do? When are you going to learn that you can't keep making decisions about us without telling me about them! Are you trying to make my life a living hell! God!" Buffy shouted. Angel's face was panicked as he stood up.

"Buffy, what…"

"Don't play dumb, Angel. You know what you did. Think real hard," Buffy hissed. Angel's eyes clouded, and Buffy knew that he'd gotten what she was angry about.

"Buffy, please, I'm so sorry. If you remember that day, then you know that I was just as broken as your are. I didn't want to do what I did, but there was no other way. You would be dead if I hadn't," Angel tried to explain. Buffy's face didn't soften as he expected it to.

"I get that part, I would have made the same choice, but I wouldn't have let the Oracles alter your memory! You can't screw with other people's minds like that! How dare you make choices for me again!"

"Buffy, I'm sorry, they didn't give me a choice," Angel swore. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Oh please! We're champions Angel, the PTB count on us for everything! I think you could make that one demand," Buffy snapped.

"You're right," Angel murmured.

"Duh," Buffy said harshly. Then her face did soften and she sat down on the couch. Angel sat down next to her, but kept his distance.

"I'm so sorry," Angel whispered. Buffy nodded.

"I know."

"Is that why you came? So you could yell at me?" Angel asked. Buffy laughed and shook her head.

"No. I only just remembered on the drive over here," Buffy admitted. Angel looked at her, brooding.

"So why'd you come?"

"Riley and I are engaged," Buffy sighed. She ran a hand through her hair, and her shoulders slumped. She felt Angel stiffen beside her.

"Why?" Buffy laughed again.

"I don't even know. Truth? He asked me, and in an effort to shut him up I said yes. I was going to say no, but out came yes," Buffy explained. Angel looked at her with sad eyes.

"Are you happy?" Buffy sighed. She couldn't lie to Angel, she'd never been able to.

"I don't know." It was true, she didn't know if she was happy. Everything with Riley was happening so fast, and at first she'd been ecstatic. But then she'd remembered her lost day with Angel, and it had all gone to hell. Now she wasn't sure how happy she was.

"You don't know?" Angel asked.

"I really don't. I was, and then I remembered the day and now I don't know."

"What made you remember?" Angel asked, his curiosity piqued. Buffy frowned.

"I guess it was Giles. We were talking and he said 'I'll never forget' and it all came rushing back. But it was weird, people have mentioned forgetting before, and said those words, but it never made me remember," Buffy said. Both she and Angel frowned.

"Do you think…"

"There's a reason I remembered now?" Buffy finished. "Maybe."

"What do you think it is?" Angel asked. Buffy shrugged.

"I have no idea." Angel did. He was struck by the idea that maybe the Powers didn't want Buffy to marry Riley.

That night, Buffy and Giles' decided to stay in L.A. By the time Wesley and Giles had finished their business, it was too late to drive all the way back to Sunnydale. Angel had arranged a hotel room for them, four blocks away.

"I kinda want to patrol my old stomping grounds before we turn in, Giles," Buffy said as they were getting ready to leave.

"I'll go with you and then walk you back to the hotel," Angel insisted. Buffy shrugged and nodded, and then looked at Giles.

"By all means, go," he said.

Buffy and Angel walked slowly down the streets of L.A. For a long time they didn't speak, just enjoyed each other's presence. Buffy lost herself in memories of when they were together. It felt just like old times. Unfortunately, Buffy heard a scream from another street.

"Hear that?" Buffy asked as she took off in a run. Angel was in step with her as they rounded the corner. His face was set with grim determination, and Buffy smiled inwardly. It had been a long time since she'd fought by his side.

They came along and saw two vampires cornering a young girl, probably sixteen years old by Buffy's guess. She and Angel leapt into the fight without a second thought. The vampires weren't hard to dust, but when they were finished, both Buffy and Angel (though unneeded) were breathing heavily. Neither had noticed that the girl was gone. They stood, less than a foot apart, looking only at each other.

And then Angel was kissing her. His cool, silky soft lips were crushing hers with a passion she'd never seen from anyone else. Her hands found their way into his hair, tangling in the dark locks and pulled her closer. His hands gripped her sides like a vice, lifting her off the ground. She couldn't think, couldn't see, and couldn't feel anything but him.

"I'm sorry," Angel gasped, breaking away quickly. Buffy swayed on her feet slightly, and then frowned.

"Why do you always say that? God, Angel, I want you. I love you, and I won't ever stop. I want to be with you," Buffy revealed. Angel looked away.

"I love you too, Buffy, but you're engaged now. Any chance for us is over," Angel said gently. He didn't want Buffy to think that he didn't still want, or love, her.

"Actually, the chance for us dies the day I take Riley's name. And since we haven't set a date yet, I think that you and I still have a chance. Angel, I don't want to be in a loveless marriage." Angel reached out and brushed his fingers over her cheek.

"The same problems still stand in our way," he whispered. Buffy pressed her face into the palm of Angel's hand and took a deep breath.

"I know." Except that maybe they didn't. Willow was turning into a wicked powerful witch, especially with Tara by her side, and Buffy was almost positive that Willow could find some way to fix at least one of the problems. But she didn't dare tell Angel what she was plotting.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, I was sooo sad at the amount of reviews I got for the last chapter. PLEASE read and review. Even if you hate it! But I really hope you like it. ******

"Will, I need to talk to you…alone," Buffy whispered as she hugged her best friend. She and Giles had just returned from L.A, and Buffy's mind had been going non-stop since her conversation with Angel the night before. And her lips still tingled from that kiss.

"Okay," Willow promised with a slight squeeze of Buffy's upper arms.

"Hey sweetheart," Riley smiled. He swept her into a bear hug and kissed her deeply. Buffy tried to push Angel from her head, but it didn't work. When Riley was kissing her, she was thinking about kissing Angel. Buffy was the one to break the kiss, and pull away from Riley's embrace. Giles looked at her reproachfully. She'd told Giles that she kissed Angel, and what she planned to do. He hadn't been happy with his Slayer.

Willow, Riley, and Buffy all sat down on the couch while Giles went into the kitchen to speak with Joyce. Riley slung his arm around Buffy's shoulders and she shuddered, trying her best not to shrug it off. Willow frowned at her, wondering what was going on.

"So, how was everyone's weekend?" Buffy asked. Riley's eyes shone with excitement and Buffy frowned, wondering what was up his sleeve.

"Mine was fine; Tara and I found a few new spells we want to try,' Willow said. Riley started lightly scratching Buffy's back as she listened.

"Really? Sounds fun, anything big or just little things?" Buffy asked, truly interested in her friend's talents.

"Well, a few minors things, but one of these spells is huge. I really hope we can pull it off," Willow sighed. Buffy smiled and patted her friend's knee.

"You'll pull it off. Riley, baby, how was your weekend?" Buffy asked. The first thing Riley smiled and leaned down to kiss Buffy. She returned the kiss with as much passion as she could muster. She loved Riley, sure, but not as much as she loved Angel.

"I bought us a house," Riley grinned. Buffy's eyes went wide.

"You what?"

"I bought us a house. Aren't you happy? Do you want to see it?"

"Uh…sure."

The house that Riley had purchased was seven blocks away from Buffy's old house. It was charming, one story with two bedrooms and two baths. The house was painted white with black shutters and a nice big porch. The backyard was shaded by oak trees. Riley had taken Buffy inside, where they proceeded to make love on the bedroom floor. Riley said he wanted to truly make it theirs. Buffy couldn't let on that she planned to leave him, especially if Willow couldn't do anything to help.

Now, Buffy was hurrying to meet Willow at the Espresso Pump. She'd sent Riley on his way, assuring him that she didn't need a ride. She was five minutes late, but she figured that Willow would understand.

"Hey Will," Buffy said breathlessly as she slid into a chair at the table Willow had been saving.

"Hi. Riley keep you?" Willow asked with a wicked glint in her eyes. Buffy's eyes went wide as she laughed.

"Willow! What my fiancé and I do in private is none of your concern," Buffy reprimanded with a grin. Then she laughed.

"So, how was L.A?" Willow asked, turning serious. Buffy's eyes clouded.

"Willow, oh my God. It was horrible and wonderful all at the same time. We kissed," Buffy admitted. She looked at her coffee, ashamed.

"What happened after that?" Willow asked gently.

"Same old same old. I love you, we can't be together, we're meant for each other, pesky curse, too bad, blah, blah." Buffy's shoulders slumped and she ran a hand through her hair.

"So you're staying with Riley?" Willow asked, sounding almost disappointed.

"Yes. Unless…well I had a thought. You know, you cursed Angel once when you were just starting out as a Wicca. You've always had power beyond what any of us can conceive. And I thought…I don't even know if it's possible, but I thought maybe you could look for a way to beat the loophole," Buffy said hopefully. She still wouldn't meet Willow's eyes.

"I've been looking for a while, actually," Willow revealed. Buffy's eyebrows rose.

"You what?"

"I've been looking since graduation day. I mean, I haven't made it top priority, but during my spare time I've been perusing books and looking on the net." Buffy's eyes brightened, and then tears welled.

"So that means it's probably even less likely that there's a spell out there," Buffy said, trying to get herself used to the idea that she would never be with the love of her life.

"Actually, there are some spells that with a little doctoring could work; spells about making things permanent, things like that. And the great thing about magick is that you can mix and match most spells, as long as you aren't calling dueling gods into the mix," Willow explained. Buffy rubbed her eyes.

"Oh Willow. I know this is asking a lot, but can you make it your top priority? I mean, things are pretty quiet now, and I want to know before I marry Riley," Buffy begged. Willow smiled broadly.

"Tara and I will work on it tonight."

Two months passed. Willow promised Buffy that she and Tara were working as hard as they could, but that things like that took time. They were trying to make the perfect spell, and that involved time and research. Buffy could hardly contain herself. She spoke to Angel regularly, and tried her best to keep Riley in the dark. But their wedding was only three months away, and her window of opportunity was closing quickly. Buffy and Riley had moved into their new house, and Buffy liked it. She really did. Her life with Riley was nice, but he wasn't the one she really wanted.

"Where are you?" Riley asked from his place next to her on the bed. They had just finished a round of particularly exhausting sex, and Buffy's head was miles away. She was thinking, once again, about Angel.

"Hmmm, here. Just blissfully spacey." Riley rolled over and braced himself with his arms so that he was suspended over her. He kissed her hard.

"How bout I bring you back?" Buffy giggled.

The phone rang three hours later. Buffy stirred from her deeper than deep sleep and watched as Riley answered.

"Willow?" Riley asked. He listened for a moment. Buffy looked at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning, and she wouldn't call this late unless it was an emergency.

"Give me the phone," Buffy demanded. Riley frowned, but handed it over.

"Buffy, we're finished. Tara and I, we finished the spell. It's perfect, says exactly what we need it to," Willow gushed. Buffy listened hard, trying to catch every word.

"Will, slow down. Are you sure?" Buffy asked, being as cryptic as she could.

"I'm positive. The only thing to do now is try it," Willow said carefully. Buffy's heart sped up.

"You're absolutely, one hundred percent sure?" Buffy pressed.

"Yes, Buffy. Go to L.A. I'll pick you up in ten minutes."

"Thank you Willow." Buffy hung up the phone and jumped out of bed. She needed to get dressed, and she needed to be in L.A as soon as possible.

"Buffy, what's going on?" Riley asked, hurrying to get dressed as well, assuming Buffy would need his help.

"I've got to go. A…friend needs me. Don't worry, I'll be okay," Buffy didn't even kiss him as she sprinted out the door. Willow was waiting in her car as Buffy ran through the door. Buffy leapt into the car and smiled thanks at Willow as she whipped out her cell phone. It rang a few times before Cordelia picked up.

"Angel Investigations, we help…."

"Cordelia, its Buffy," Buffy interrupted. "I need to talk to Angel."

"Ok, hold on," Cordelia said a little apprehensively. There were a few beats of silence before Angel's deep, soothing voice came on the line. Buffy immediately relaxed.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Um, I'm coming to visit. Is there somewhere we can go that's not Cordelia's apartment?" Buffy asked. Angel was silent for a moment.

"Yeah. Meet me at the same hotel you and Giles stayed at." Buffy said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. Now all she could do was wait. Every nerve in her body was tingling, and she thought her heart would explode.

"Buffy, it'll all be okay," Willow promised.

"What if the spell didn't work?" Buffy asked. Then she winced. "I don't want you to think I doubt your abilities."

"I know, you're just nervous. Buffy, it worked. I could feel it, I promise."

They couldn't get to L.A fast enough. When Willow pulled up to the front of the hotel, Buffy practically dove from the car before it even stopped. She forced herself to take a deep breath before she walked into the lobby. The inside was crowded, but Buffy knew exactly where Angel was. He was standing in the middle, waiting for her.

"Buffy," he said as she approached him. Buffy didn't say anything, simply reached up and kissed him. His mouth responded immediately as his hands latched onto her side. Buffy's mind went blank as the rest of her body tingled. Angel pulled away when they started attracting stares from other patrons.

"We need to talk somewhere private," Buffy said. Angel nodded, not having the slightest clue what was going on. He didn't really care. He took her hand and lead her up to the second floor, where the room he had booked was. As soon as the door was closed, Buffy kissed him again. This time, there was less urgency to it, but just as much passion. Angel didn't ask questions, just lost himself in what he hoped wasn't a dream.

Buffy began walking backwards towards the bed, but she wouldn't let Angel go. He continued to kiss her and she sank back onto the bed. He crawled over her, letting some of his weight press down on her. He moaned around her lips as she ground her hips into his. His body responded immediately. Buffy reached up under Angel's shirt and started scratching lightly with her fingernails. She felt Angel shiver. After a few moments, Buffy lifted Angel shirt from his head. Angel's hands roamed her body, sending shockwaves through her system. Angel reached down and started massaging her stomach, just above the waist of her pants. He felt Buffy's abs contract as she shivered. Then he worked the button holding her pants together free. Buffy gasped around his lips as his cool hands touched her hot skin.

"Oh Angel," Buffy gasped. Her palms flattened against his back, pushing his body to hers. Angel kissed down her neck and chest. Buffy writhed beneath him.

"Buffy, wait. What are we…"

"Shh, just make love to me. You're safe as houses, I swear." Angel frowned, but then Buffy kissed him. She had promised that he was safe, and he believed her.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, thanks to everyone who reviewed!!!!! I hope this chapter lives up.**

**And it is official that my very first novel has been released. If you like what I write here, you'll like my book, I promise!! It's called Vegas Stakes, and you can buy it from etc. Just search for the title under books, or my name: Kaelyn Christian. I'd really appreciate it!!!**

Buffy woke up worried. She didn't feel Angel beside her, and she was terrified that something had happened. That Willow's spell hadn't really worked. God, what would she do is Angelus was back? She wasn't sure she could handle him a second time.

"Buffy." Buffy looked towards the sound of Angel's voice and found him coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist and water glistening on his chest. Buffy smiled and resisted the urge to jump him.

"Hey," Buffy said quietly. Angel sat down on the edge of the bed and looked deeply into Buffy's eyes.

"What happened?" Buffy sighed.

"Willow. She and Tara, her girlfriend, they made a spell. A spell to make your soul permanent, so that we could be together," Buffy babbled. Angel reached out and took one of her hands in his, stroking her knuckles with his thumb.

"Why?"

"I asked her to. After Giles and I got back to Sunnydale, I asked Willow to find something. She's been working non-stop for months," Buffy explained. Angel started to brood.

"What about Riley?"

"What about him? I told you Angel, I don't want to be in a loveless marriage. I mean, Riley's a wonderful man, don't get me wrong, but he's not my soul mate. You are." Angel kissed the back of her hand.

"So you're going to leave him?"

"If you'll have me," Buffy nodded. Angel took a deep breath and pursed his lips.

"And what? You move here, I move back to Sunnydale? Buffy, this won't be easy. We can't just pick up…"

"Angel, stop. Can you be optimistic for like a second? I know this isn't going to be easy. I know that you've built a life here, and that makes it ten times harder. But I'm in college, and don't most college kids move away? Besides, with Riley at school all the time, it could be awkward. So I thought about transferring to UCLA," Buffy explained. Angel frowned.

"No. You're staying at UC Sunnydale. I'll move back. Wesley and Cordelia can handle the business without me," Angel stated.

"Angel, no. Look, it'll be easier for me to move than you. Please let me do this," Buffy begged. She crawled forward so that she was so close to Angel they were touching. Then she kissed him.

"Buffy, I left so that you wouldn't have to give up your life for me. And I wont' be with you if that's what you have to do," Angel explained. Tears welled in Buffy's eyes and she hung her head.

"I understand."

"No, I mean, Buffy I love you. I want to be with you, but you're not leaving Sunnydale. I'll come back, and if Cordelia and Wesley need me for something, they can call. We're not that far away," Angel reminded. Buffy laughed and smiled, sniffing slightly.

"Ok. Deal."

"Now, let me show you what love is really like," Angel said with a wicked grin. He pounced on Buffy as she shrieked and giggled.

Two days later, Buffy was still in Los Angeles. She'd gone to stay with her father, to visit for a while, but she spent most of her time with Angel. They were still enjoying the honeymoon phase of their new relationship, but Buffy worried that Angel would change his mind.

Buffy was lost in thought in her childhood bedroom when the phone rang. She went downstairs to answer it, and groaned when she saw the caller id. It was Riley. Again. She supposed she should answer it, he'd called seventeen times in the past two days and she'd avoided all of them. So she took a deep breath and answered.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? Where have you been? Are you okay? What's wrong? Why haven't…"

"Riley! Stop. I'm fine, I promise. I'll be back in Sunnydale in two more days, I hope. But when I get back, we really need to talk," Buffy said. There was a pause on the other end.

"Is everything okay Buffy?" The worry was evident in Riley's voice.

"Everything's fine."

Buffy hung up and went back upstairs to grab her purse. Angel had found a new apartment and wanted to show it to her. She wasn't sure how much she would actually see.

Before she could get a foot out the door, Buffy got horribly nauseous. She dropped her purse and ran to the bathroom, getting there just in time. She'd never felt so horrible in all her life. She never got sick. What the hell?

After her stomach settled for a moment, Buffy made a run for the phone. On her way back to the bathroom, it hit her again. She dialed Angel and held the phone away from her as it rang.

"Hello?" he asked, distracted.

"Ugh, Angel, I'm sick. I'm so sick. I can't come see your apartment, but will you please come keep me company?" Buffy begged. Angel agreed like she knew he would, and she hung up the phone, leaning her head heavily against the rim of the toilet.

Angel walked in the door of Buffy's father's house, having been invited only the day before, and stopped cold. Something was off. Something about the air, and the blood, and…Angel's eyes went wide with panic. He knew what he smelled, now. The shift in the air and Buffy being sick. He sprinted up the stairs to Buffy's side. She was asleep, snoring lightly. Angel knelt down in front of her and brushed her hair from her face.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Buffy groaned. Angel sighed.

"I do. Buffy…you're pregnant." Buffy's eyes immediately snapped open and she sat up. Her nausea was suddenly gone, replaced by blind panic.

"What?! How is that possible? You can't!" Buffy cried. Angel laughed softly.

"No, but Riley can. And I know you've slept together, I could smell him on you. And I smell his blood in yours," Angel explained. Buffy was suddenly sobbing. She threw herself into Angel's arms and shook with tears.

"I can't! I can't take it anymore! I just want us to be together." Angel stroked Buffy's hair and rubbed her back as she leaned against him. His heart broke for his soulmate.

"You have to tell Riley. He deserves to know he's going to have a child," Angel rationalized. Buffy wiped her eyes and sat up.

"Okay. I'm going to go back to Sunnydale now, and get this over with," Buffy sighed. She couldn't possibly face Riley, and the rest of her family.

"Good. I'll see you when you get back, and I'll miss you every second you're gone," Angel promised. Buffy smiled ruefully.

"You'll raise this baby with me right? I mean, I want Riley to be involved, but I want you to be its father."

"I think you should talk to Riley. If he doesn't want to be a full time father, I'll gladly take the job."

Buffy thanked her lover and then packed her bags. She hoped that things would go well in Sunnydale, but knowing her life, they wouldn't be. She gave one last look to Angel and then hopped in the car he's secured for her.

She _really_ didn't want to go back.

**A/N2: Sorry it's so short!! But it's nearly one a.m., and I've had such a long freakin day!! Thanks for reading, please review!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here's the latest chapter!!! I can't decide how many more I want it to go, so if you've got any suggestions, let me know. Enjoy!! And, as always, review!!!!!**

Buffy couldn't help but be nervous. The car pulled up to her and Riley's house, which she'd almost forgotten about. On the way, she called Willow sobbing about being pregnant. Willow had done her best to comfort Buffy, but it was a nearly impossible task over the phone. Now, Buffy had calmed down a little. She'd redone her make-up to hide the tear stains on her cheeks.

"Ready Ms. Summers?" the driver asked. Buffy nodded and took a deep breath. Then she got out of the car and walked towards the door. The driver was getting her bags out of the trunk, and had promised to leave them just inside the door.

"Riley?" Buffy called. There were a few moments of silence, and then Buffy heard heavy footsteps running through the house. Riley appeared a second later and swept her into his arms. He kissed her, but she didn't respond.

"Buffy, I'm so glad you're home. But I thought you weren't coming home for a few days," Riley said. Buffy bit her lip and led Riley to the couch. She sat down and tugged on his hand, indicating he should do the same.

"Riley, we need to talk," Buffy sighed. Riley frowned and sat down.

"Yeah, you mentioned that on the phone. What's wrong?"

"Riley, there are two things that I need to tell you. First, and I really don't mean this to sound harsh, but I'm leaving you. I…it's complicated, but I can't marry you. You're a wonderful, amazing guy, but you're just not the one for me," Buffy babbled. Riley's eyes clouded over. He was angry, she knew, but she couldn't lie to him anymore.

"You said two things?" He said softly. Buffy looked at the floor, knowing that this would be the hardest part.

"Yes, and this is what makes this really hard. Riley…I'm pregnant." Her words were met with silence as she waited to hear what he had to say.

"You're leaving me, and taking my child?" Riley asked.

"No! Oh God no! Riley, I want you to be involved, if you want to I mean. And I'm staying in Sunnydale, but I'm not going to be with you like that."

"What do you want me to say?" Riley asked, his voice harsh and angry.

"Nothing. Riley, I'm so sorry that I'm doing this for you." Buffy moved to reach for Riley's hand, but decided against it and ran her fingers through her hair instead. Riley took a deep breath.

"I don't think I can be a part of this child's life. I mean, I wouldn't be able to see it without seeing you, and I'm not sure I can handle that. I'll be a mess for the rest of my life if I have to see you every weekend, or whatever," Riley explained. Tears welled in Buffy's eyes. She felt so horrible for treating Riley so badly.

"I could…Willow could pick it up and drop it off. You wouldn't ever have to see me, unless you wanted to," Buffy suggested. Riley laughed hoarsely.

"Call me when the baby's born, and then we'll see," Riley said. Without another word Riley stood up and walked out. Buffy cringed as the door slammed.

"How'd he take it?" Angel asked over the phone. Buffy sat in her old bedroom twirling the phone cord around her index finger.

"Um…kind of not good. He didn't even give me a straight answer as to whether or not he wanted to be in the baby's life." She stopped twirling the cord and put a hand on her stomach. She couldn't even feel the change in her yet. Did that mean she'd be a bad mother?

"Well you dropped a pretty big bomb on him. Two actually. Give him time," Angel suggested. Buffy sighed, knowing her love was right.

"When are you coming back to Sunnydale? I miss you," Buffy said softly.

"Two days. I promise."

"Okay. I can't wait to see you again."

"Me neither. But don't you and Willow have to go register for classes?" Angel asked. Buffy giggled.

"Yeah, we do. She'll be here to pick me up in a second. I'd better go."

"Okay. I love you," Angel said.

"I love you." Buffy slowly hung up the phone, not really wanting to end the conversation. She hadn't seen Angel in almost five entire days, and she missed him so much more than usual. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but maybe she was just afraid of losing him again. She heard Willow honk her car horn and grabbed her purse to head outside.

"Hey!" Willow greeted excitedly. Buffy laughed as she climbed in the car.

"Hey. Alright, let's get this over with. I really don't want to see Riley." Willow smirked.

"Talked to Angel at all today?"

"Just got off the phone. He'll be here in two days, he swears." Willow laughed out loud. The rest of the ride they spent idly chatting about nothing at all. The campus was crowded when they arrived, kids pushing to sign up for their top choices.

"Ok, so art history ends at eight, Angel can pick you up every day," Willow pointed out. Buffy grinned and took the pen immediately. Finally, she and Willow had signed up for sixteen credits each. They linked arms, ready to meet Xander and Anya at the Bronze.

Just as they were about to leave the building, Buffy spotted Riley walking with Forrest and Graham. She tugged on Willow's arm and pulled her behind a pillar, hoping he wouldn't see her. Willow hadn't seen, and yelped when Buffy yanked.

"Buffy!" she said harshly.

"Shh. Riley's over there." Willow peered out from behind the tree and saw the three men looking right at her.

"They saw us, Buffy. You can't hide forever, the school isn't that big." Buffy sighed and her shoulders slumped. Then she followed Willow out from her hiding place.

"Hi guys," Willow said sheepishly. Buffy smiled, but said nothing.

"So Buffy, I hear you're carrying our man's baby, and kicking him to the curb. Pregnancy hormones getting the best of you?" Forrest smirked. Buffy wanted to deck him.

"Shut up, Forrest," Riley snapped. Buffy was surprised. Riley had never stood up to Forrest before. Silently, she thanked him.

"Hey," Buffy said softly.

"Hi. How've you been?"

"Uh, good, I guess. Will, we're gonna be late," Buffy whispered, desperate to get out. Willow nodded.

"We've gotta go. Bye guys!" The two hurried towards the car.

"Thank you Willow. It's so awkward being around him. I haven't even been able to give back the ring. He stormed out so suddenly and I haven't seen him till now."

"Buffy, I think he wants you to keep the ring. If he wants it back, he'll ask for it," Willow promised. Buffy shrugged.

"Ok, enough of my moping. Let's party!"

The ride to the Bronze was a short one, and when they got there, Xander and Anya had already chosen a table. Xander, ever the gentlemen, had ordered them cokes. Immediately, Buffy pulled Willow and Xander to the dance floor, and it was just like old times. Easier times.

"So when's Dead Boy coming back to town?"

"Two days Xander. And please stop calling him that."

The two days passed quickly, and before she knew it, Angel was moving into the mansion. Angel didn't have much to move, and luckily a lot of stuff had remained in the mansion. He'd left so quickly before that he didn't want to be slowed down.

"I have a housewarming gift for you," Buffy smiled slyly after she and Angel had unpacked the last box.

"Really? What is it?" Angel asked. They were sitting on Angel's massive king sized bed, watching a fire roar in the fireplace. He leaned in and kissed Buffy's temple.

"Well, I can't tell you, I have to show you." Buffy stood up on her knees and kissed him, unbuttoning and pushing his shirt from his shoulders. Angel grinned around her kisses and held onto her waist.

"I pretty much can't get enough of you," Buffy whispered into his ear.

"Good. Cause we're in for the day."

By the time night fell again, Buffy thought she could sleep for days. She and Angel had exhausted their supernatural stamina, and were now wrapped in the crimson silk sheets.

"Quite the housewarming party we threw," Buffy laughed. Angel smiled and kissed her collar bone.

"Mmhmm."

"God, I don't want to start school tomorrow. Can't we just be like this forever?" Buffy asked whistfully.

"No. You've got to go to school. We can do this on the weekends."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Buffy sat up and started to dress. Hearing Angel groan she laughed.

"I have to go. Mom will worry. Meet me at the Bronze in two hours?"

"Only if I get one more kiss before you go." Buffy smiled but obliged. Then she pulled away, leaving Angel wanting so much more.

"See you tonight." And then she was gone.

"Wanna dance?" Angel whispered that night at the Bronze. Buffy smiled. He'd just arrived, coming up to her from behind, but she'd sensed him.

"Of course." Angel took her hand and lead her to the dance floor, where the rest of her friends were. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She rested her head on his chest and smiled. She was home.

"I can't believe how lucky I am," Angel murmured into her hair.

"Why?" Buffy asked. She turned her head to look up at him. He waited a moment, enjoying just looking into her eyes.

"Because I'm with you, and you're about to have a child. I mean, I know it's not really mine, but it's as close to a father as I'll ever get to be. I love you." Buffy smiled.

"I love you too." She reached up and kissed him softly, letting her lips linger on his.

Angel reached down and stroked her belly, then stooped down and kissed it. Buffy laughed out loud. She couldn't wait to be a mother.

Riley noticed Buffy the moment she came in. How could he not? He watched as she sat at the table, joking with her friends. He watched as they left her to dance and as she sat alone sipping her drink. She didn't look lonely thought, she looked content. And then Riley saw Angel. He saw that vampire kissing his former fiancé, and her stomach. He saw Buffy laugh, she was obviously comfortable with this new (he supposed) twist on their relationship. Finally, Riley couldn't take it anymore.

"What is he doing, touching you?" Riley hissed. Buffy, mid-laugh, turned to him.

"Riley?" she asked, the smile fading from her face. She was afraid of the look in Riley's eyes.

"Why is he here, touching you and your stomach, that by the way is holding MY child!" Riley exploded. Buffy stepped between Riley and Angel.

"Riley stop it. Can we please go outside and talk?" Buffy begged. Riley took a deep breath and glared at Angel.

"Only if he stays." Buffy looked at Angel, and he nodded shortly.

"If you touch her, I swear to God my soul won't stop me from killing you," Angel growled. Buffy rolled her eyes and pulled Riley away.

"Are you with him?" Riley asked harshly as he and Buffy stood in the alley outside the club. Buffy crossed her arms and looked at the floor.

"You know that Angel left me the night I graduated right?" Buffy asked. Riley nodded.

"And?"

"And, I was never ready to let go. He told me to move on, I wanted to. For a little while I thought I had, with you. But I gave my heart away a long time ago, when I was sixteen. The day I met Angel. He left because he couldn't give me a normal life, because we couldn't be together like we should've been able to…"

"And now?"

"Things change." Buffy shrugged. "Angel still can't give me a normal life, but look at me. I'll never have a normal life. But he can be with me now, and if we can make it work, I have to. Riley, Angel is my heart and soul." Buffy waited for his response. He wasn't meeting her eyes, and Buffy hoped he wasn't going to lose his cool.

"And you were mine. You left me for him, didn't you?"

"Yes. Riley, I'm so sorry. I've treated you horribly. You really haven't experienced the best of Buffy, and I truly apologize for that."

"I don't get it, and I never will. Do you plan on him being involved in our child's life?" Riley asked. Buffy nodded.

"I want him to be, and he wants to. Besides, we're going to be together, it's kind of unavoidable."

"I get it, I guess."

"Have you decided?"

"No. Like I said, call me when the baby is born." Buffy clenched her fists.

"Riley! No, you can't do that! You can't wait until you see the kid to decide if you're going to be its father! You're either in or you're out, and if you're in, you're in for all of it!" Buffy screamed.

"You have to give me time." For the second time, Riley walked away. Angel came outside moments later, wrapping his arms around Buffy.

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so you all might hate me for the end of this chapter, but I promise all will be explained in time. And I know it took me forever, but my muse took a vacation. Enjoy! And remember…REVIEW!!!! It makes me all kinds of happy. **

_Buffy sat in the white wicker rocking chair that Angel had put in the mansion's nursery. She was holding a small bundle, wrapped in pink, humming a tune that her mother had taught her. They baby in her arms gurgled, and Buffy smiled._

"_Hey Buff. Long time no see." _

Buffy woke with a scream. Angel was there, holding her and rocking her. Sweat covered her body, and her hands immediately went to her growing stomach.

"Buffy what's wrong?" Angel asked, kissing her forehead.

"Angelus. He was back," Buffy whimpered. Angel's eyes went wide.

"Shh, it was just a dream," he promised.

"But…oh God Angel, this was one of the nursery dreams. So far, they've been prophetic," Buffy insisted.

"It's not possible. How many times have we made love since Willow did the spell? And my soul is still attached, it's not going anywhere." Buffy took a deep, ragged breath and sat up, rubbing her stomach.

"In this dream the baby was born, maybe that has something to do with it," Buffy speculated. She couldn't shake the dear that still gripped her.

"Buffy, it won't. I can't even feel Angelus anymore, ok? Don't worry about it. Everything will be fine."

Buffy and Willow sat down in their Psychology 250 course, led once again by Professor Walsh. And once again, Riley was the TA. Needless to say, class was awkward. Buffy sank low in her chair and avoided Riley's gaze as she took notes. Willow glanced at her every few minutes, knowing that something was up. She was right. Buffy still couldn't shake the dream.

Buffy, what's wrong??

Willow asked, leaning over and writing on a corner of Buffy's paper.

Nightmare, I'll tell you later.

Buffy replied. Willow frowned, but accepted the answer. She noticed that every few minutes, Buffy's hand went to her stomach, rubbing it gently. She smiled, Buffy was going to make a great mother, she could tell.

Finally, Walsh let the class go. Buffy and Willow gathered their books as noise exploded throughout the lecture hall.

"Nightmare?" Willow asked. Buffy sighed.

"Yeah. It was the newest in that nursery series I told you about. This time, though, the baby was born, I was holding her in my arms, sitting in the rocking chair. Then all of a sudden Angelus' voice comes from the doorway behind me. Angelus, Willow. He was back." Buffy saw Willow's eyes go wide.

"Not possible. Buffy, we did the spell and it worked! Angelus is trapped," Willow said in a rush, totally panicked. Buffy shook her head and shrugged.

"I know, in theory. I mean, Angel says that he can't even feel Angelus anymore, but this dream was so real. More real than any dream I've ever had, and you know that's hard to accomplish."

"Tara and I will do some research, we'll find out what's going on Buffy, I promise."

The conversation was interrupted when Riley walked up to the two girls. He smiled sheepishly at Willow, and then at Buffy. Willow politely smiled back and then shrugged at Buffy, who frowned. Willow moved a few feet away.

"Hey," Riley said softly.

"Hi," Buffy whispered, adjusting the book in her arms.

"I just wanted to know how everything is going," Riley admitted. Buffy shook her head.

"Everything's fine Riley. But seriously, I'm not going to keep you in the loop until you tell me your decision," Buffy snapped. Instantly she regretted her words.

"I know, I just noticed that you were a little pale today." Buffy's face softened.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine Riley."

"Alright. Be safe, okay?"

"I will." Buffy turned and left the hall, with Willow right behind.

"Where's Angel?" Willow asked as the two girls walked to their next class.

"He's back at the mansion, said he would pick me up from class tonight. Then we're going over to mom's for dinner."

"What did you mom say about the whole Riley thing? You never told me," Willow asked. Buffy shrugged.

"She wasn't happy at first, but then she realized that I really didn't love him, and that I was much happier with Angel. Now, she pretends like Riley never even existed. She pretends that the baby is Angel's,' Buffy explained.

"What are you gonna name her?"

"I kinda want to name her Kathryn, after Angel's sister, but I have to talk to him about it."

"Kathryn's a gorgeous name."

"I know." They finally reached their art history class and found their seats.

"Buffy, don't worry. Tara and I will figure out what's going on," Willow promised when she noticed that her best friend was still brooding. Over the course of the class period, where the professor droned on and on about Renaissance artists and their paintings, the sky outside got darker and darker. Willow could feel Buffy's anticipation, and knew she couldn't wait to see Angel.

"He's here," Buffy whispered. Willow looked towards the hallway and saw a figured had darkened the well lit area outside the lecture hall door. She trusted that it was Angel, Buffy could always tell.

"You can't wait to get out of here can you?" Willow whispered back with a giggled.

"I really can't." Buffy shifted in her seat, and her eyes continued to tick towards the door.

Finally, the professor excused them. Buffy practically bolted from her seat and Willow rushed to keep up. They found Angel leaning against the wall just outside the doors. A sexy half smile crossed his lips as soon as his eyes hit Buffy. She grinned and threw herself into his arms.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself." He bent down and captured her lips in a heated kiss that made Willow blush.

"Did you find anything?" Buffy asked. Angel's face clouded.

"No. I talked to a few people, none of whom knew anything," Angel shrugged. Then he cupped Buffy's cheek with one of his big, strong hands and stooped to look directly into her eyes. "I swear to you Buffy, Angelus hasn't tried to get out in a long time."

"Ok. Will, we'd better get going or Mom's going to flip." Willow nodded and pulled Buffy in for a hug.

"Be safe Buffy."

Six Months Later

_Buffy stood in the field behind the mansion, letting the sun wash over her. She felt the baby kick and smiled, closing her eyes. The warmth of the day felt amazing on her skin._

"_She'll be here any minute lover," he said. A frown creased in her features. _

"_You're not supposed to be here." She heard him laugh._

"_It's your dream Buff, I'm just in it. You know that once she's here, you won't be safe, right?"_

"_I know." _

Buffy woke with a terrible pain in her stomach. It was enough to make her cry out, waking Angel beside her.

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

"The baby, she's coming," Buffy gasped. Angel looked out the window and thanked the Powers that Be that it was still dark. Dawn was still a long while away.

"Come on, let's go."

Angel couldn't help but speed to the hospital. He'd fought with Buffy all the way to the car about going, she'd practically thrown herself off the cliff in the back yard.

"Breath," Angel whispered. Buffy took a deep, cleansing breath and then groaned. She pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed her mother, and then Willow.

Labor took seventeen hours. Willow, Xander, Giles, and Joyce paced the waiting room while Angel stayed inside, holding Buffy's hand. Willow called Riley and told him that his daughter was being born. The doctor handed Buffy her baby and Angel kissed her forehead.

"This is our little girl, Angel, biologically or otherwise," Buffy whispered. She kissed Angel hard and then smiled down at her baby.

"Kathryn Grace O'Connor, just as we discussed," Angel smiled. He lifted the baby from Buffy's arms and took her into the waiting room, where everyone started to ooh and aah.

Riley was there, hanging back slightly. Angel noticed him and brought the baby closer. Riley couldn't tear his eyes away from the small bundle.

"This is your daughter. Have you made your decision yet?" Angel hissed. Riley swallowed hard and then reached for Kathryn.

"Yes. I want her to know her biological father."

Six Months Later

Buffy paced the mansion. Kathryn and Angel were both asleep, but Buffy couldn't. For the past three weeks, she'd had nightmares about Angelus. In each, he was stronger and closer. He kept telling her that she wasn't safe now that Kathryn was born. Willow and Tara hadn't found anything, but kept assuring Buffy that everything would be fine. Buffy wasn't so sure.

Buffy paced around the mansion's living room, wringing her hands together. Her spidey senses were going crazy, she felt like the house was surrounded by twenty vamps. But it wasn't. She'd been outside to check and hadn't found anything. Finally, knowing she needed some action, Buffy decided to go out and patrol.

Angel

Couldn't sleep, went to patrol. Back soon.

Love, Buffy.

Buffy wandered through Shady Hill, stake in hand. The night was calm, she'd been out for an hour and had yet to run into any vampires.

"Why is it that any time I really need to kick some ass, the vampires take a night off?" Buffy asked herself. The bushes to her left rustled, and she immediately stood at the ready.

What she saw stopped her heart cold.

"Hey Buff, long time no see."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Again, I am BEYOND sorry that it took me so incredibly long to update. School and work and life have just kept getting in the way. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!!! Please make my day and tell me what you think!!!!**

A million thoughts races through Buffy's mind. How? How was it possible for Angelus to be there, standing in front of her.

"Why are you here?" Buffy asked stonily, hoping she could goad him into answering her questions.

"Because this time I can kill you without soul-boy in my head screaming at me to stop." Angelus gave Buffy that evil smirk, the one that would've been sexy if he weren't always trying to kill her.

"What are you talking about?" Angelus chuckled. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, taking a deep drag.

"You really are stupid aren't you? I always thought college was supposed to make you smarter…" Angelus trailed off.

"Yeah well," Buffy shrugged. Angelus began stalking towards her and she backed away, matching him step for step.

"Here's the deal…Willow? She's even dumber than you are. Magick has consequences." Angelus watched Buffy with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to get it.

"I still don't understand. Angel said he couldn't feel you…oh my God." Buffy finally understood.

"And finally she gets it! Give the girl a prize!"

"You and Angel have really separated," Buffy whispered.

"You got it Buff. Which means that Angel won't ever be able to whisper in my ear again." Buffy couldn't believe it.

"Good. Makes it easier for me to kill you." Buffy lashed out at Angelus with a left roundhouse. It caught his jaw and he roared.

"Girl grew some stones," he laughed. Buffy was ready when he threw himself at her. She let herself fall and then pushed off the ground with her feet. She didn't wait before she started throwing punches.

"Guess you're not so timid anymore," Angelus laughed as he tried to block her hits.

"You're right," Buffy grunted. Angelus found his opening and blocked an oncoming hit. Then he sent a right hook that threw Buffy ten feet.

"Never drop your guard Buff." Angelus picked himself up off the ground and stalked towards Buffy. Slayer and vampire both paused when they heard something crashing through the bushes.

"Riley no!" Buffy screamed as her ex-fiance tackled Angelus. The two grappeled for a moment before Angelus managed to throw Riley. His head hit a tombstone and for a while he was dazed.

"See you around, lover," Angelus roughly kissed Buffy, throwing her into a memory from her junior year. When Buffy opened her eyes again, Angelus was running away, and Riley was trying to follow.

"Riley," Buffy said, kneeling next to him and grabbing his shoulders. "Let him go."

"I thought you said he was safe," Riley groaned. Buffy hung her head.

"That wasn't Angel."

"Who was it? His evil twin?" Riley had no idea how right he was.

* * *

Buffy and Riley walked into the mansion and found Angel holding Kathryn. He looked up with a smile, then frowned when he noticed a growing bruise on Buffy's jaw.

"Buffy, what happened?" Angel set the baby in her bassinet and went to get ice.

"My dreams came true. Angelus is back," Buffy sighed. She sat down on the couch as Riley went to see the baby.

"What are you talking about?" Angel sat down next to her and gently pressed the ice pack to her bluish skin.

"Willow's spell…it split the two of you instead of trapping him. It's like she cloned you, and now Angelus is your evil twin," Buffy tried to explain. Angel went straight into brood mode.

"I still don't understand," Riley said from his spot next to the bassinet.

"Willow did a spell to anchor Angel's soul so that we could be together. The spell backfired and now the demon that was inside Angel has his very own body," Buffy explained.

"So kill him. Now he's just another vampire, right?" Riley asked with niave innocence.

"No, he's not just another vampire. He's as smart as Angel, but uses his genius to maim and kill. He almost ended the world two years ago."

"When Angel lost his soul?" Buffy raised her eyebrows, unaware that Riley knew anything about her and Angel's history. "Xander told me."

"He is so dead. Yes, when Angel lost his soul. The main problem is that Angelus knows how to get to Angel and I, and no matter how hard we try at some point, he's gonna throw us off," Buffy said.

"Maybe Willow…" Riley started.

"No," Buffy and Angel chorused.

"I think that in light of this recent twist, we should have Willow stick to the basics. Locator spells, floating a rose, that kind of thing."

"Buffy, Giles doesn't know," Angel pointed out. Buffy's face paled.

"If you can enter a house, can he?"

"I don't know." Buffy lunged for the phone.

* * *

Everyone had gathered in Giles' living room. No one knew what was going on, and they looked more than a little worried. Buffy paced the room, holding Kathryn in her arms. Angel and Riley sat stoicly in opposite corners.

"Buffy, everyone is here, shall we start?" Giles suggested.

"Yeah." Buffy set Kathryn in her basinet and crossed her arms, moving from mom to Slayer in an instant.

"Lately, I've been having dreams about Angelus returning." Giles opened his mouth to speak and Buffy held up her hand. "They've come true. Angelus is back." Confusion spread over everyone's faces as they looked at Angel.

"Buffy I'm afraid I don't understand," Giles admitted.

"Willow's spell had unknown consequences. It split Angel and Angelus into two separate beings." Buffy saw Willow's eyes go wide, and Tara squeezed her hand.

"She didn't know," Xander said, jumping to her defense. Buffy nodded.

"I know. I'm not blaming you Willow, simply stating the facts."

"I'm so sorry Buffy," Willow whispered.

"It's okay Will. Listen guys, this time around, it's a brand new game. This time there's no need to put a soul back in, so we're aiming to kill. Everyone needs to be careful. Carry stakes, crosses, and holy water at all times. Angel I and will always be together, so if this face approaches you without me at his side, run." Buffy ordered.

"Are we sure killing Angelus won't also kill Angel?" Giles asked. Buffy took a deep breath.

"I don't know. Nothing like this has ever happened Giles." Buffy's voice began to waver. Angel was up in an instant, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"We'll figure it out, Buffy." Willow promised. Xander agreed.

* * *

Buffy had walked Riley home, while Angel stayed at Giles' with Kathryn. Then Buffy doubled back to pick them up, keeping her senses sharp the entire time. She heard and felt nothing. Angelus wouldn't return in the same night, that much she figured.

By the time they got back to the mansion, Buffy was mentally exhausted. All she wanted was a hot bath.

"Do you want me to join you?" Angel asked. Buffy looked up, startled.

"What?"

"You muttered something about a bath. Do you want me to join you?" Buffy smiled softly and hugged him tightly.

"Yes please."

Angel drew up the bath, adding vanilla scented bubbles, Buffy's favorite. Then he set out some candles and lit them, hoping the soft lighting would help calm Buffy's nerves. All the while he was brooding. It was his fault after all. If he hadn't agreed to Willow's spell, none of this would've happened.

Angel's thoughts were interrupted when he felt Buffy's fingers running through his hair.

"Stop it. This isn't your fault," Buffy whispered, kissing his temple. Angel turned to look at her, amazed at their almost telepathic connection. She was stunning in a blood red satin robe. Her hair was swept up, and Angel's eyes were drawn to the scar on her neck.

"Some of it is," he whispered.

"The bath's ready. Let's see if we can't make us both forget the toils of today." Angel smiled as her robe hit the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay, this time I have a REALLY good excuse for not updating! The internet in my apartment was out for over a week, and before that I just didn't have the story ready. I'm so, so, so, so, so, sorry! I grovel at all of your feet for forgiveness. Anyway…on with the story. **

Buffy didn't sleep that night, not much at least. Angel had tried his best to help her relax, and for a while it had worked, but now the tension in her neck and shoulders was back, and she was developing a headache.

She sat in front of Kathryn's cradle, rocking it gently back and forth. She softly hummed a tune that Angel used to sing to her, in the earlier days of their relationship. She couldn't remember the words, but the tune was something she would never forget. Sweet and slow, full of love.

Kathryn's face was peaceful as she slept, her little button nose crinkled slightly. Angel swore that Kathryn had all of Buffy's looks, but Buffy swore that the baby looked like Angel…even though it wasn't possible.

"Buffy, come back to bed," Angel whispered from the doorway. Buffy looked over her shoulder at him.

"I can't sleep. I feel like I should be out there, stopping Angelus." Angel laid a gentle hand on Buffy's shoulder.

"Buffy, you need to rest up, conserve your strength. If you don't get any sleep, you're not going to be any help against Angelus."

"I know. I just…ok. I'll be in after a second." She squeezed his hand and he left.

"Goodnight my little one. Sleep well."

The next morning, Angel agreed to stay with Kathryn while she went out to gather information on where Angelus might be staying. The first place she hit was Willy's. As usual, there was a crowd of demons and vampires sitting at tables and in booths, as well as a smattering of humans. Willy was behind the bar, wiping it down with a cloth that probably, at one point in its existence, was white. Not anymore though. Buffy purposefully walked through the bar, leaning on the counter.

"Hey Willy." Willy's beady eyes glanced quickly up at her, and then back down at the counter.

"Slayer. How ya doin' kid?" Willy's voice went up a few octaves. Buffy smiled lazily.

"Where's Angelus staying Willy?" His hand stopped wiping. He looked up slowly and laughed.

"What makes you think I know? Last I heard, you and Angel boy were shackin' up." Buffy frowned.

"Willy…"

"Seriously Slayer. I had no idea Angelus was even around. Didn't you send him to hell?" Willy started wiping again, looking cautiously at the patrons of his bar.

"Willy, I really don't want to beat you up. Where's he staying?" Willy hesitated and Buffy balled her fists on the counter. Willy noticed and swallowed hard.

"I heard he's staying somewhere in Docktown. But don't tell him I told you, ok?" Buffy smiled.

"Thanks Willy. Want me to punch you just in case?" Buffy winked as Willy laughed.

"Sure, yeah. Make it look real, but not too hard…ow!" Willy found himself on the floor with a bloody nose.

"Damn it Slayer!" Willy scrambled to his feet and wished he'd said no to the whole 'punch Willy in the face' thing.

"Thanks Willy."

Buffy left the bar and headed towards Giles' house. Willow and Xander would already be there, researching what was happening and how to possibly fix it without killing Angel. She thought Riley might be there too, he wanted to make sure Kathryn was safe. She walked in without knocking, knowing that Giles wouldn't mind.

"Buffy, good afternoon," Giles smiled kindly. He was pouring two cups of tea. "Would you like one?"

"Sure, thanks." She walked farther in and saw Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya around the living room reading books and writing in notebooks.

"Hey guys." Willow looked up with a sympathetic smile.

"Buffy, how are you?" Buffy shrugged.

"Alright I guess. I really just want to get this done." Giles came up and handed both Buffy and Tara a cup of steaming dark tea. Then he went back for his own. Buffy sat down, grabbed a book, and started reading.

Just before sunset, Buffy took Riley back to the mansion. He agreed to take Kathryn back to his apartment, a place where neither Angel or Angelus had ever been invited. Buffy and Angel then accompanied them there, and then set out to patrol.

"It's still so hard to believe," Angel muttered. Buffy looked sideways at him with a slight smile.

"Because you haven't come face to face with your evil twin? Trust me, baby, it's real." Buffy felt a familiar tingle at the base of her spine, and looked around.

"What?"

"He's here."

"She's right…I'm here," Angelus said with a slight laugh as he stepped from the shadows.

"Buffy, can you tell which is which?" Angel asked. He didn't bother to whisper, Angelus would be able to hear it.

"It's like night and day just looking in your eyes. I can tell."

"Good, then let's finish this."

"Yes, let's," Angelus smirked.

The twins sprang into action at once. Angel and Angelus were perfectly matched, because they were essentially the same brain. Buffy waited for a moment, watching for any weakness in Angelus, or Angel. She studied the fight intently, watching, but Angel and Angelus were at a total impasse.

"Angel! Time to go!" Angel jumped backwards and danced out of the way. Angelus didn't press the attack.

"See you around lover," Angelus winked at Buffy.

* * *

The rhythmic sounds of Buffy's fists hitting the punching bag were soothing to her. It was what she knew, and it would never change. It seemed to be calm Kathryn too. The baby had been crying all day, and the only thing that had quieted her were the sounds of Buffy and Angel working out.

"Maybe she's got colic," Buffy suggested. Angel shook his head as he held the bag for her.

"No. If she had colic even this wouldn't calm her down." Buffy shrugged as Angel went back into brood mode. He'd been like that since his fight with Angelus, and Buffy figured it was because he couldn't beat him.

"Angel…" Buffy sighed as she stepped back.

"What?"

"We're never going to get to be truly happy, are we?" Angel raised his eyes to her and was met with the most sadness he's ever seen.

"We'll get through this Buffy. I swear we will." He reached out and pulled Buffy into a tight hug.

"Sometimes I wonder…" Angel kissed her, long and deep. In her high school days, this would've made her forget her problems instantly.

The phone rang, interrupting the mini make-out session. Buffy's shoulders slumped and she pulled away to answer it.

"Hold that thought. Hello?"

"Buffy," Willow said. She and the rest of the gang had been researching non-stop, chasing down even the most obscure leads. Buffy noticed emotional unrest in Willow's voice and it worried her.

"Will, what's wrong?" Will took a long pause, and it scared Buffy even more. She reached out for Angel's hand and he offered it, squeezing gently.

"It's not good Buffy. I talked to this shaman that Giles knows. He didn't have much to say, except that…" Willow dropped off.

"Spit it out, Willow," Buffy snapped. Angel pulled Buffy close.

"He said there's a mystical connection between Angel and Angelus. You can't kill one without killing the other, and you can't re-ensoul Angelus because there's only one soul, and Angel's using it. I'm so sorry Buffy, this is all my fault." A tear slid down Buffy's cheek. Her grip on the phone loosened and Angel slipped it from her hand.

"Thanks Willow." Then he hung up. Buffy started sobbing against Angel's chest.

"I can't do it, Angel. I can't kill you again"

"It'll be okay." Angel kissed the op of her head.

"The Powers just can't ever give us a break, can they? Are we destined to suffer? Because I'm not sure I can take it anymore."

"Shh. Everything will work out." Angel would find a way to spare Buffy the pain of killing him again.

That night, the entire gang went out patrolling for Angelus. The hope was that they could capture him and lock him in the cage that once belonged to Oz. It was the only solution a distraught Buffy could come up with.

"Is anyone else worried that he's just going to kick our ass?" Xander said in a stage whisper. Buffy glared and Willow slapped his arm.

"Shut up Xander." Everyone slowed as Buffy stopped short. Angel did too, and it didn't escape anyone's notice that their entire stance changed.

"Look at this, the gang's all here," Angelus sneered. Tara squeezed Willow's hand, and Willow took a ragged breath.

"Do it Willow," Buffy whispered.

Willow held up her closed dist and muttered a spell under her breath. Then she opened her hand and blew a silvery powder into the air. It swirled up and around, curling around Angelus until it flew in his ears.

"What the hell?" Angelus cried, slapping at his ears. Buffy and Angel jumped at Angelus, who was slow to react. The confusion spell had worked, Angelus couldn't decide which attacker to take on. The rest of the Scooby gang joined the fray, trying to beat him to the ground. Riley had a syringe full of a tranquilizer that he would use at buffy's say so.

Buffy was caught off-guard by Angel yanking her away from the fight. He held her upper arms tightly.

"Angel! What are you…" Angel cut her off by kissing Buffy with hard. He didn't let it linger, though.

"I love you." And then Buffy was on the ground ten feet away. Dazed, she sat up and saw Angel diving for Angelus, a stake in his hand.

"No!" Panic gripped Buffy's heart as she watched the stake pierce Angelus' heart.

She was up in an instant, running for the love of her life. Tears were streaming down her face. She was almost there. Somehow, she knew if she could just grab on to Angel, everything would be okay.

She grabbed dust.

* * *

The next few days, Buffy walked around in a stupor. She cried, and a few times Giles had found her trying to overdose on pills and alcohol. Willow had gone to the mansion to stay with her, to keep watch. Riley had taken Kathryn to stay with him.

"Buffy? I found something I think you should see," Willow said quietly, six days after Angel's death. She'd found a parchment envelope in Buffy and Angel's room. Buffy turned her head slightly from her spot on the couch.

"What is it?" Willow handed it to her.

"I think it's a letter." Willow walked away, leaving Buffy to read it in peace. Buffy's fingers trembled as she broke the seal. She pulled out the thick, yellowish paper, covered in Angel's familiar scrawl.

_Buffy_

_You're probably really mad at me right now, and I understand. I'm so sorry for what I did, but it had to be done. You know that we wouldn't be happy otherwise. Things would always get in the way. My hope now is that you can find a way to move on and be as happy as you deserve to be. Make sure you tell Kathryn about me, and how much I loved her, even if I'm not her biological father. I left a letter for her as well, in the basinet, for when she turns eighteen. But most of all, I need you to know that I love you, Buffy Summers, even in death._

_Always_

_Angel_

Tears blurred the words on the page. Buffy quickly wiped the tears away and set the letter on the table in front of her, smoothing it out. Then she stood and went into their bedroom for the first time in six days. She didn't stop and look around, just went straight to the closet. She pulled out her duffle bag and started throwing cloths and weapons in until it would hardly zip.

"Buffy what are you doing?" Willow cried as she walked by. She ran into the room and grabbed Buffy's arm, trying to stop the upset slayer.

"I can't be here Willow. I can't be in this house or in this town if I'm supposed to heal. And that's what Angel wants me to do." Buffy didn't even look at Willow as she shoved pictures of Angel, Kathryn, and the rest of her family and friends in the bag.

"Buffy, you have a child now! You can't just run away again!" Finally Buffy stopped and looked up, sitting back on her heels.

"Willow, what good am I going to be to Kathryn right now? I'm a young, single mother who just lost her soul mate…again! Please, just let me do this. Kathryn is safe with Riley, and I'll send you guys postcards so you know I'm alive and well. Please, I can't be here." Willow softened and stooped to Buffy's level, hugging her best friend tightly.

"Be safe, Buffy. Please be safe."

"Make sure that when Kathryn's older, you tell her how much I love her. And tell her about her Daddy, and there's a letter from him in the basinet. I love you Will. Thank you."

**A/N 2: Did any of you see that coming? I sure didn't when I was writing it, but I went with my muse, and as always she did not let me down! Yes, this story is finished, but I promise you a sequel…if you guys want it. Questions, comments, critizisms are welcome…as are comments that beg for the sequel!!!!! **


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